Christmas minus Cash

This was the first Christmas since being a father that I didn't have a job. That pill was pretty dang big for my tiny little throat. It's not that I normally bought our kids a ton of stuff for the holiday, it's just this year we weren't able to buy almost anything.

I believe we spent under $100 for all 3. They still got plenty of presents, sure, but nothing like in years past. I'd like to say the c-note took care of them well because I had shopped so wisely, but that's not the case. I kept holding out longer and longer not buying anything, certain that some kind of miracle cash would show up at my doorstep.

BUT, that didn't happen. The snowmobiles I have been hoping would sell haven't. I'm sure that's due in large part to this area not having ANY FREAKING SNOW WHATSOEVER!!!! C'mon! Any other year in history and we'd have snow measurable in feet by now. It was nearly 60 degrees today, folks. IN LA PINE, OREGON. (do a google search for 'la pine, oregon winters if you need clarification).

Oh well, I guess this is all a part of learning to be a 'have-not', instead of a 'have'. Personally, I enjoyed more about the holiday in the sense of focusing on my savior, Jesus Christ and NOT being so distracted about who we bought what for. But I knew it wasn't going to be that easy on the kiddos. Although I had been dropping hints in the days prior to the big one, I knew they still didn't quite get the fact that this Christmas was going to be different...Surprisingly, they kept their attitudes in check very well. No typical small children remarks about the quantity or quality of presents and they were very appreciative, which was a nice surprise.

I would be remiss if I didn't mention what I had done for a few family members. Being completely broke, the only thing I could think of was some type of hand-made present. I completely suck in the art department and although I set up our sewing machine in the bedroom 2 weeks ago, I've yet to turn it on (let alone know how to use it)

So I settled on Photo albums, or simple photos in frames. I borrowed some frames from my mom, and used a few that we already had. I ended up making my wife a very cool, if not totally 2nd grade photo album from a blank one I found in storage. Since it was purple, I naturally assumed it was hers and she never got around to filling it (hence the "Re-Gifted" part of writing on the front of the album. I chose pictures from her youth, which was difficult for her, yet I know she holds dearly to. Sometimes painful memories are the only ones you have.

I then progressed through the pages like an autobiography, albeit a very brief one. This included pics of us at the age we met, our wedding, children, etc. It sounds a lot cooler than it turned out, in my opinion, but the desired effect was met: she liked it. At least she told me so and she's a totally honest woman.



The second part of her 'gift' didn't go so well. You see, in the days leading up to Christmas, she expressed her disappointment that it appeared there wouldn't be any snow falling on the special morning. Being the awesome husband that I am, I figured I'd give her that "White Christmas" she's always wanted. I procured a bag of fake snow from a 'friend' (thanks mom!)and waited until she was asleep to spread it around the living room. In the darkened area, it actually had a pretty neat effect. But I made 2 mistakes:

1.) We lost power on Christmas Eve from about 10pm to 2am, during which we were wrapping presents and talking via candle light. This meant that I wasn't able to finish her photo album until after 100am (thanks, stupid markers that took forever to dry) and make it snow until about 330am. I then cranked out the photo frames for my sister and nephew, and crawled into bed, exhausted at 545. I NEVER had to stay up that late when I would just buy everyone gifts, even when it was things like a 4 billion piece play-kitchen for my daughter.

2.) The second mistake was that I chose to write on the mirror in our bathroom the following message, "Hey Honey, I did my best to give you the only white christmas around. Love you, K" followed with a post-script (that's what PS at the bottom of a letter means, for you simpletons out there) that read, "ps, Don't worry, I'll clean it up!"

Awww, right? I played out this fancy scenario in my head how she'd wake up, follow the little trail of snow flakes from the bedroom to the living room, and see this amazing winter wonderland and just start screaming with excitement, or have tears well up in her eyes like in those 'Diamonds are Forever' commercials. Well...not exactly.

She woke up justifiably tired and assumed the dogs got into something under the tree, and got upset. It took her a minute to realize what really happened, and settled down a little bit. I was in the bathroom the whole time, hoping for a completely different reaction. She didn't even notice the message in the bathroom until way later in the morning. I could have totally found the time to erase the 'PS' part and we could have cleaned together. 2 STINKING HOURS TO CLEAN UP ONE TINY LITTLE BAG OF FAKE, PLASTIC SNOW!!!

First picture does the scene no justice, as the flash just makes everything look harsh, like a Yeti with dandruff came to pay us a visit.


The second picture isn't really any better, at least from a details standpoint, although the 'mood' comes across a little better. Our camera sucked. I say 'sucked' in the past-tense because about an hour after everyone woke up, my wife decided to dunk our camera in a cup of coffee for some reason, and now it's dead. (Oh, I shocked the you-know-what out of myself trying to 'fix' it last night, bad idea)



Never again. I'm just going to throw her outside and dump a bag of shaved ice on her next year if it doesn't snow.

j/k, I love you honey!

So, how was YOUR Christmas?

And now, the rest of the story...

I will always remember the words used in the title of this post because of multiple fond memories of my father and I driving out to go hunting together while listening to Paul Harvey years ago. Now we listen to books on CD, because there is seldom anything good on the radio and Paul Harvey is a damn liar for endorsing Bose. Ugh.

Anyways, so after the short night of sleep, I woke with a new purpose. Prior even to my study the night before, I talked with Ash about her feelings on me staying at home with the kids and her jumping right into a full-time gig. Her response was enthusiastic, which in turn, got me very into the idea. There was really only one more hurdle to overcome...telling my parents.

Surprisingly, it didn't go too bad. My father, who is from a different generation entirely, had his usual quiet, reserved response as he took time to process this information. I'm sure in time he will have a peace about it, but as he told my mom when she had asked him in private his feelings on the subject, "I guess I'm just old fashioned".

You see, that is what I've come to realize the real 'problem' is with people's views on this very touchy subject. It's mostly (if not all) a social issue. Preconceived notions will always prevail in a discussion of matters similar to this. Heck, even 2 days ago I would have 'fought for the other side' if such a thing actually existed.

Bottom line is, I don't truly know what the Lord has in store for our future. What I do know, is that I've made a real mess of things over the years and I pray it's not too late to correct some of those mistakes. I simply can't think of a better way to do that than to be involved in every aspect of the home.

Should you be stranger, traversing the internets and stumble across this or any of my other postings, let me know your feelings on the subject. I will happily send you my findings in the word regarding this.

I will touch on more serious subject matter in later postings, but I truly felt I needed to get these thoughts out before taking things in a more...positive direction, I suppose. Pictures coming soon and tomorrow I'll put up some instructions on how to make your own laundry soap, which is TOTALLY rad, and costs like 2% of storebought detergent. Hey, if I can do it, I know you can.

Good night!!

Well, isn't this interesting...

You know, when I created this blog initially, a couple of months ago, I was under the impression that it would be a very brief (a week or two) experience, since I consider myself highly employable, as does everyone I know.

To be perfectly honest, I never came back here to write another posting because I was certain of this fact. How could someone with my experience and credentials not find work, even in this poor economy?

Very slowly, as it became very apparent that local, full-time work was simply not in the cards, I felt a desire to try and find something that would allow me to earn a good wage from home. A 2 second Google search will tell you that I'm not alone in my desire. It's VERY difficult to find a job in this arena with no degree or experience, regardless of a very impressive resume.

Now I must preface the following information with this: I was raised in a very traditional household, with very traditional values in a very conservative church. What I mean by that is I have always held the opinion that the man of the family is responsible for being the primary breadwinner, while the wife stays at home and tends to the matters of the house. There really never was another option. I was also of the belief that this is what the Bible teaches, as well. Funny how things work out.

You see, two days ago, I met with an elder from my church to discuss the situation I have put my family in. (more on that in the next post) After explaining to him that in order for us to break even on me working (after paying childcare, commuting costs, etc) I had to find a job that paid $15/hour, at a minimum. Normally this wouldn't be an issue. My last employer paid me a very fair salary that was nearly twice that. I haven't had to work for that small of an amount in over a decade, so I figured it shouldn't be a problem. As you well know now, that's not the case.

Interestingly enough, after talking about these issues, and more, it was he who asked me this question, "Have you considered making staying at home with the kids and tending to the home your job?"

The question felt like a punch to the gut. I mean, I had considered it, albeit briefly. It was more like a passing notion than a feasible option. The man is supposed to earn the income and provide for the family, right?

I was speechless. Those who know me will tell you this is a very rare condition for me, one that usually indicates serious contemplation on my part. Hey, I'm a talker, deal with it. ;)

So after a brief silence, I stammered out some objections, as I figured clearly he would know that it's just simply NOT the way things work. He met my biblical objections with another gut punching question, "Where in the bible are you finding these scriptures that forbid it?"

Another silence.

I had no idea, to be honest. It was so ingrained in me, that I never even bothered to do my research. Well, I did that night, for sure. I poured through the scriptures, looking for any kind of passage that would support my claims of that becoming a stay at home dad was un-biblical. I wrestled with God that night, though I know that's never a good idea. I finally tapped out at 3am, surrendering myself to the notion this could actually be His will for me.

Once I came to peace with the knowledge of it not being a sin to let the wife earn the income, I felt comfort and peace the likes of which I haven't had in years. I slept like a baby...

(to be continued)